The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
