I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
