his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
