In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
