Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
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