the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
