Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
