After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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