I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
