if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to have your abortion
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
