Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
