ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
