just tell him i said nine months
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
