I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you just see the Batmobile???
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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