we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
