So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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