I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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