Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
