Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I pour the whiskey from now on
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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