when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
