youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
