I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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