Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
