Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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