I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
