My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do herpes really smell.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
