my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you had me at cake vodka
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize