I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You ruined the universe
Randomize
