Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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