You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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