i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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