Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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