my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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