I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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