hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
