I am in a vortex of obligation.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
