I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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