Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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