let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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