I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
