NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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