God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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