I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
