he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
