I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
