why didn't you poke me back
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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