so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
