This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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