do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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