Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
