i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
