i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
