Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
