I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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