Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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