I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
