I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
only you would photoshop your dick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
