dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
4 words: hood of his car
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
