So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
