So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
