I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
