I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
