I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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