Me too!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
