I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize