she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How external is "for external use only"?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
