Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
