Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
