Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
