She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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