I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
