ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
